Customs and traditions of the Chinese People

Behavior

As a whole the Chinese people are restrained in showing affection in public. Maintaining eye contact is considered intrusive and a physical embrace is reserved for close relationships. Shaking hands is now commonly used for formal business meetings, it is something that Chinese expect to do with foreigners but it is not traditional. Since Covid19 the traditional bow has had a resurgence. Things you take for granted have only recently been accepted in China, for instance clapping hands used to be used to drive out evil spirits rather than to show appreciation. Facial expressions are kept to a minimum and these characteristics have made foreigners use the term ‘inscrutable’ to describe the lack of apparent reaction. Often careful analysis of a conversation is needed to assess a person's true feelings. A highly respected quality in China is 忍 rěn which is roughly forbearance or putting up with things without protesting. Part of this has its roots in history, for a long time a whole family was punished for the crimes of one individual, ignorance was not a defense, so reticence in saying anything definite became natural. Losing one's temper is never a good idea, it is seen as a lack of self control and rarely yields a good result as the victim loses ‘face’ if they accept blame.

Spitting is a cultural tradition, it was considered unhealthy to swallow spittle and so spitting is something that still happens, particularly in rural areas. The Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping was admired for his ability to spit with unerring aim directly into a spittoon. Spitting was also considered a defense against demons, they don't like being spat at, so, strangely a passing funeral was a focus for spitting. In recent years the government has tried to reduce spitting in public with some success.

On the other hand blowing your nose is not considered pleasant in China. Chinese people will do this much more discretely than in the west. Reusable cotton handkerchiefs are considered particularly vile. Cigarette smoking is still prevalent and China has the unenviable position as the top tobacco consuming nation (2,400 billion cigarettes in 2019). Although there are bans on smoking in most public places and restaurants these are not always obeyed.

It is traditional to take a shower after work before going out in the evening, and also before bedtime. This reflects the often hot and humid climate and contrasts with the western habit of a morning shower.

Chatting

It is quite common for conversation to immediately become much more personal than would be normal elsewhere. While two westerners may still be talking about the weather, Chinese will be asking questions about your age, salary, marital status and health. Chinese are keen amateur doctors and will often interrogate you if you say you are feeling unwell and offer advice about treatment. However most Chinese will feel uncomfortable talking about politics, this topic should be reserved for people you know very well.

祸从口出

Huò cóng kǒu chū

The wrong words can bring disaster

Be careful what you say.

Queuing in China

Traditionally queuing in line for services was unknown, everyone just barged forward. In the last few decades the culture of waiting in turn has become firmly established but not everywhere, it may still be necessary to push and shove, for example getting onto an already overcrowded bus!

Chinese Modesty

Many responses in conversation will display modesty and humility. The standard response to a thank you 谢谢 xiè xie in Chinese is to respond with no need to thank 不谢 bù xiè and this attitude is very prevalent. A meal will be presented as a ‘poor table’ and a compliment will usually be refused. If you were to say You speak good English this will often be returned with a phrase such as not very good. This humility helps to reduce competitiveness and give positive relationships.

The long-standing nurturing of humility is a reason that democracy struggles to take root. To put yourself forward as a candidate suggest pride and ambition and not humility. The natural attitude is to expect people to be promoted on merit not by being ‘pushy’.

Historical attitude to sex has been to use metaphor and innuendo rather than direct reference. Symbolism is often used and so the hidden meaning of objects in paintings and gifts has to be taken into account (see our extensive section on symbolism). Overt sexual advances towards strangers is not acceptable in China.

Once married Chinese people tend to dress conservatively in restrained colors; while young, single people wear fashionable clothes. Sometimes the characteristic black hair of Chinese is bleached. A level of modesty is expected even on beaches, the Chinese do not have a tradition of naked bathing as nakedness is still a strong taboo. At temples of any religion tourists are expected to dress respectfully, at least covering the upper arms. There is a belief that exposing the navel to sunshine is beneficial to the health and so you may see men with a ‘Belly Bikini’ ➚.

Network of Connections

If you have been to China or carried out business there, you will know the importance of connections 关系 guān xì it means literally closed system or network. Having access to a network of people to whom you have a vague connection is important in all sorts of ways and so everyone builds up an extensive group who can offer preferential access to goods and services. They may get you into a theater, a university, a job or may be a discount on goods. Using connections is referred to in Chinese as 走后门 zǒu hòu mén going by the back door. This process is not seen as unfair because everyone does it. There is strong competition to build a powerful network of connections. As a foreign visitor many people will want to add you to their network by giving you a lavish gift in the hope you can be of help to them in the future. Of particular value is a connection that might help procure of place at a good school or university (especially abroad).

Face

The Chinese have a long standing tradition of maintaining their social standing, which has been very loosely translated as face 面子 miàn zi. In everyday life this means that taking criticism in front of other people ‘loses face’ 丢脸 diū liǎn and is not acceptable. A westerner who is used to immediately making a complaint has to go about it in a different way. Confronting someone with a problem in front of others will rarely work if it requires someone to admit they are at fault. The way to handle the situation is to avoid any public disgrace by negotiating quietly and in private, this often allows things to be put right. If this fails then an intermediary will often be able to find a compromise.

‘Face’ represents honor, social standing and appearance, so care is also taken in the style of clothes worn. There was a belief that the features of the face provides clues to personality, so may be that is why the word ‘face’ is used in this situation. Any transaction has to take place with this in mind. People who look and behave well will receive better service than those who do not. There is a long tradition of an individual’s behavior reflecting on the family and community, so getting poor grades at an examination reflects not just on the individual but also on the wider family. Moving on socially involves becoming familiar with those of higher social standing and establishing connections 关系 guān xì.

A common problem is when a young high flier is appointed as a manager. It is a loss of face to take orders from anyone younger than yourself. Similarly only people you know well will offer any criticism and certainly not strangers. Getting drunk is a severe loss of standing and it is therefore rare to see Chinese people very intoxicated with alcohol, but being ‘tipsy’ is fine.

Family loyalty in China

There is great loyalty to the extended family in China respecting a continuous ancient tradition. The Confucian doctrine for respect for one's elders and betters still has deep resonance. Loyalty to the family comes far ahead of friends. It is inappropriate to refer to people outside one's own age group too familiarly. The epithet 老 lǎo old, venerable is used as a mark of respect and is traditionally used to address anyone slightly older. Deference to parents is more prevalent than in the west. Grandparents often have an active role in bringing up grandchildren while both parents are at work. The penal system used to punish the whole family if one member is convicted and this has led to solidarity among family members. Success or failure of one member is seen to reflect on the whole family not just the individual.

In China there was no concept of universal individual rights, the deeply entrenched attitude is that people are all different and they must live with the situation they find themselves in. It is the responsibility of the family to look after their own relatives and not the state. Turning to the state for help is a last resort when the family are unable to help. People have responsibilities rather than rights, a responsibility to look after the elderly is the flip side to the right of the elderly to receive care.

Funerals in China

The Chinese have many rituals and customs concerning funerals. Everyone used to be buried not cremated as it was important to be interred intact due to ancient beliefs about the after-life. By contrast to Christian tradition white (or more strictly un-dyed cloth) not black is the color of mourning. The funeral procession to the place of burial would be long, noisy (with musicians and jugglers) and colorful. Strict protocol was enforced, with invitations sent out to people and gifts sent. But in the past very young children were not given a funeral service at all - mainly due to high infant mortality.

People used to join many ‘societies’ whose sole purpose was to take part in the procession at the funeral. The annual subscriptions raised the money for the funeral. The processions could involve hundreds of people. Specially printed ‘paper money’ was strewn on the road. Paper replicas of everyday objects that the deceased enjoyed are ritually burned so that they can join the dead. Families have an ancestral burial plot and the names of the deceased are inscribed on the ancestral tablet. The date and exact place for burial was carefully determined by a Feng Shui practitioner. The period for mourning of parents used to be very long - traditionally three years - and wearing white or fragments of white cloth was normal for this period. All work and study stalled during the period of mourning; having children or getting married were out of the question. On the death of the Emperor the whole nation went into long mourning with, for example, all marriages postponed. So if the Emperor became ill then there was a dash for couples to get married quickly!

Gifts

It is usual to bring the host a small gift if you are invited into a house. These are generally not opened until the guests have left. Gifts should be offered in both hands and this tradition applies to business cards as well. The importance of this ritual is made plain by the character 礼 lǐ which can mean both ceremony; ritual and gift. A birthday or wedding gift is usually wrapped in red paper for luck.

The Chinese language and culture leads itself to much symbolism. So when you give a gift in China you should be careful not to choose something with an unfortunate hidden meaning. Flowers are tricky, as they are normally associated with funerals and not joyous occasions. Another example of a bad gift idea is a pear because sharing a pear 分梨 fēn lí sounds the same as separate/divorce 分离 fēn lí. Gifts of belts and ties have the symbolism of betrothal and should only be given to very intimate friends. For similar linguistic reasons fans and umbrellas bring bad luck. 扇 shān for fan sounds like 散 sǎn meaning scatter or fall apart as does 伞 sǎn meaning umbrella. A clock is an unlucky gift as it has the connotation of counting down the remaining life span. To give a clock 送终 sòng zhōng is written the same as pay last respects. As in the European tradition giving a knife is unlucky, the luck can be salvaged by the recipient giving back a token payment in return (so it is no longer purely a gift). Because four is such an unlucky number, it is not a good idea to give a set of four of anything. On the other hand eight is lucky, so groups of eight are fine.

Generally Chinese will find it odd to be given something old or secondhand. It is usually best to stick with wine, cigarettes or food. It is considered impolite not to give a gift in return or refuse to accept one.

Hobbies

Names in China

In China the family name comes before the personal name. So Xi Jinping is Mr. Xi. When Chinese emigrated abroad some reversed the order to avoid confusion. They may also choose an English name in place of a Chinese name because this may be tricky for English people to pronounce correctly. The family name is called xìng 姓 and the given name míng 名. People who are not close friends or relations are addressed by surname only with a title (字 zì) e.g. Mr. Wang, the title may be their job description. So Zhou Enlai was referred to as ‘Zhou zong li’ meaningZhou Premier. A less formal naming can be used among friends 老 lǎo old; venerable to address older people and 小 xiǎo young; small to address someone younger. Children may address strangers as 叔叔 shū shu uncle or 阿姨 ā yí aunt.

There are relatively few family names in use and many assume there must be some distant family relationship among people with the same family name. For centuries, you were unable to be marry someone with the same family name for this reason. The Chinese have been called the ‘100 names’ 百家姓 Bǎijiāxìng after a classic text of the Song dynasty listing all the families, it actually had 504 names in the list and there are now about 3,000 in use today. However some names are much more common that others, for example there are about 93 million Wangs 王 (meaning ‘monarch, king’). In fact there are only about 250 common family names in use. Names have a marked regional distribution, so it is possible to guess which province someone comes from just based on their name.

On marriage the tradition is that the wife retains her family name, she does not take on her husband's surname. Indeed originally it is thought that a long time ago the family name was inherited from the mother not the father. Children can take either their mother's or father's name - but usually take the father's. With so few family names the selection of the given name is a matter of much importance, and it will often have some allusion to history or culture. Originally a great deal of ceremony and tradition was associated with finding the appropriate one. Yin-yang and the five elements are taken into account to achieve harmony and balance. Some families used the same poem over centuries to determine one character of the name, this allowed the relationship to anyone in the family to be easily worked out. The look and elemental balance of the Chinese character was taken into consideration. The choice is taken very seriously and some people make a living by helping parents choose the name. The same given name may be given to a boy or a girl although some names are usually gender specific [Zhi (will), Shan (mountain), Guo (country) for boys] and [Fang (scented), Xiang (scent), Lan (lotus), Shu (beauty) for girls]. A baby was often not named until a month of life and was given a temporary, sometimes derogatory, name for this short period following the tradition that demons would not attack a baby with such a nasty name – names such as pig manure and puppy were used. During their early childhood a ‘milk name’ would be used within the family, and this name would be used informally and affectionately throughout life. Mao Zedong had the nick name of Runzhi only used by close friends and seniors. When very large families were the norm, children would be generally referred to by their ordinal number within the family ‘third son’, ‘second daughter’.

It was also traditional for people to change their name during their lifetime, particularly after a significant life event and they often had multiple names used in different circumstances. People used a given nick-name 号 hào and also an adult name 字 zì given on reaching adulthood as well as the míng 名 given name. For example the famous poet went by the given name Su Shi as well as the literary name Su Song po meaning eastern slope; you will see both names in use in different contexts. The Republican leader Sun Yatsen went by a number of different names ➚ during his life and is known in China as Sun Zhongshan when the Republic was founded.

The names of emperors is even more complex as there are ‘temple names’, ‘reign names’ and ‘honorary names’ to consider as well as their given name (see our Imperial name section for details). Until the Ming dynasty, an emperor may rule under several reign names 年号 nián hào which he proclaimed during his reign. By the time of the Ming and Qing dynasties the ‘reign name’ and ‘emperor name’ became interchangeable so Emperor Yongle is a bit incorrect as Yongle is the name of the dynastic period not a person while Chengzu is his given name.